New Moon in Scorpio, 28th October 2008

Hi everyone,

To all of you who have reached out to me this week, thank you so much for your support. For those who have no idea what I'm talking about - read on. It is times like these that I so appreciate this extended circle and the love and support that it brings to me.


Calling the circle
As we contemplate this new moon, feeling strongly connected to the way our hearts and spirits seem to be one at this time of year, we summon the spirits of the East, spirits of Springtime, new beginnings, new starts. Element of air, first breath, cool dawn. The power of life, springing forth. We call the spirits of the East.

We call now to the spirits of the South, spirits of strength, power, warmth, clarity, motivation, energy, movement. Element of fire, bright fires lit at midday. The power of light, illuminating us. The fire that is our passion, burning deeply within is always. We call the spirits of the South.

And we call to the Spirits of the West. Spirits of our season, of our deepest feelings, our strongest emotions, our truest love. A sunset over a calm ocean, a still lake reflecting back the sky, the still waters that run deep, deep within. Element of water, emanating the power of love. We call to the spirits of the West.

Now we call the spirits of the North. Spirits of midnight, dark moonless skies in winter, places where truths are told. Element of earth, grounding us. Power of law, karma, ancestral wisdom, we call to the spirits of the North.

And we call to those spirits above us, angels, stars, heavens, light beings everywhere, those souls not yet incarnate. Children of our children. We call the spirits above.

And we call to the spirits below us, to the earth that grounds us and keeps us steady, the green kingdom with its deep roots and to the lava beneath the crust that impassions us. We call the spirits below.

Finally, we call to the spirits of the center, where all the directions meet and merge and where they meet and merge in each one of us. The central flame. The sacred spirit. This circle is closed, a safe and sacred circle where everyone is welcome and free to express themselves.

Where is the Moon?
The Scorpio new moon has so much power – the power to regenerate, the power of real truth, the power to destroy. Sometimes things have to be brought down to be rebuilt – and this is the kind of moon that can inspire that. It is a time of death, then regeneration, transcendence. This all feels extremely poignant to me at this moon. It is a time to go deep within, plumb the depths, and then hopefully emerge stronger, lighter, wiser.

Talking stick
I am on a plane heading for Florida, for the funeral of my niece Melissa. Melissa was killed in a car accident on Thursday night, hit by a truck on an interstate. She was 19, and the daughter of my brother Kerry, who was killed in Iraq 18 years ago this February. Melissa was just two when he died.

For the first ten years of her life I think everyone in my family clung to her and her brother because they were a part of him, and he lived on in them. Not that we didn’t love them for themselves, but I know that sometimes, sitting on a couch with one arm around each of them it would make me cry because I would feel so close to him. As she got older she definitely became more of her own person, and I saw her more that way, especially in the last three years, although most of that has been from afar, since I’ve been in England. She had just started to find her adult identity and I was so proud of her for that.

I always thought that somehow because of what happened to Kerry, that Melissa and Christopher would have something of a free pass. But it hasn’t been the case. Their first cousin died only a few years ago in a car accident. Their other grandmother died unexpectedly from an aneurism still rather young. It hasn’t been an easy path and I think most especially for Christopher, who is now left without the person he was closest to in the world. I don’t pretend to understand any of this and it is likely I never will. But, then there is faith. I wrote about the anthill a while back, about the perspective of the ant being so narrow, narrower than our perspective of it, and so maybe that is me – maybe I am still the ant and someday perhaps my awareness will be so much broader and I’ll be able to see how this event fits into a series of other events, keys turning locks throughout the decades. But not right now.

In fact, my journey through this is twofold, I think: one, there is no way through it but through it. I would rather skip around it, over it, away from it and if I thought it would work I might try that. But it won’t. I have to walk straight through this and that is that. And it sucks. I love her and am so unbelievably sad that she is gone.

The second part of this is that, despite the above, I am no longer the grief-stricken person of my past, defining myself through the losses in my life. I am coming from a place of real happiness and contentment in my life, and with a strong spiritual center that gives me comfort and power. It is not a passive spirituality; it demands that I bring all my heart, all my love, all my energy to everything that I do, everywhere that I go. I can’t be comforted by platitudes, but I believe that my niece, myself and all of us are a part of God/dess and that together we are that light in the world. Her dying didn’t change that for either of us. That is what I believe, but I am also pleased to not be bringing so much righteous religious anger and baggage with me. I can experience comfort there too possibly, which will be a nice change from my formerly angry self.

Finally, I had an amazing realization about fear. My husband, who is nowhere near over his own grief from his loss jus a few weeks ago, is going through feeling that life is so fragile at the moment, which is, of course, understandable. I used to feel that way too – that if I moved this way or that, something bad might happen again. Then, when I started to recover from the series of losses that I experienced in 1991, I began to feel a bit fearless, immune, since I had already survived the worst. I don’t feel that way now, and I realize that for a large part it is because of my love for Gary and Owen. I love being here so much because things are wonderful with them and in our life and the thought of losing that is sometimes almost paralyzing. So, my challenge in all of this, and for this new moon, is to face that fear. And to live with a bigger, more loving vulnerable heart. Because at the end of the day, that is the only way that I want to live.

I wish I could think of something profound to say about Melissa to end. I can’t. I hope that at some point when this is all over I feel able to connect to her light and love and that will be the best way I can think of to remember her.

Meditation
Imagine yourself lying on the ground beneath a beautiful willow tree, whose branches touch the ground all around you, so you are completely enclosed within the tree’s embrace. The ground feels perfectly comfortable, the air a perfect temperature, and the earth below you feels soft and yielding. As you breathe in and out feel that you are breathing in time with the gentle breeze around you, moving the branches of the willow in time with your breath. Then allow yourself to imagine that you are getting smaller – smaller and smaller until you are so small that you can stand up and walk into the tree that you were lying underneath. Walking into the tree, looking up, note the vast branch system, how tall and high it is, looking down, note the vast root system, reaching down into the earth farther than you can see. Then, notice that one of the roots is larger than the others, and resembles a spiral staircase that you can walk down. Imagine then stepping onto the 13th step, the step of transformation, then spiraling down and around and inward to the 12th step, then down and around to the 11th and the 10th, spiraling down and around and inward to the 9th, then the 8th, then around and inward to the 7th and the 6th step. Then, pausing on the sixth step, note that as you look up you can no longer see the top, and looking down, that you can no longer see the bottom. You are standing in the middle of the spiral, in a moment of infinite perfection. If there is anything that you are carrying that you don’t want to take with you on your journey, you can leave it on this step. Continuing then to the 5th step and the 4th, spiraling around to the 3rd and the 2nd and then finally the 1st step, then stepping into a clearing with four doorways, each pointing in one of the four directions. Imagine yourself walking down the pathway that heads west.

You step out into a beautiful meadow, not a lush summer meadow, but a meadow of autumn, with yellow grasses and dried flowers. The time of day is sunset, almost twilight, allowing the light to feel as though it is fading, but still allowing enough light to see clearly. You contemplate the light as you step onto the path, the color of it, how it changes the landscape. You are joined on the path by an animal guide, who is so pleased to see you. You greet your guide, then move along the path together, talking, asking your guide any questions that you might have. Your guide then offers to carry you to your destination. You climb on and either ride or fly over the meadow, noting the differences in the landscape when they are surveyed at a distance. As you move along, you notice a dwelling place in the distance, one that is very familiar to you. You realize that your guide is taking you in that direction. As you get closer you realize that you have come to the home of your wise woman. Your guide allows you to climb off at the door, waiting for you for the return journey.

As you are about to knock, the door swings open and you are greeted by your wise woman. She gives you a loving embrace and leads you to the kitchen where she is cooking for you. She offers you whatever it is that she has cooked for you, and you sit and eat or drink with her, asking any questions that you may have, or asking for any wisdom that she might wish to share with you.

When you are ready, she leads you away from the kitchen, down a hallway with many doors. You see a doorway at the end of the hallway that is calling to you and you head to that door. You open the door into a very dark room, lit dimly by candles around the perimeter. In the center you see a well, with a seat next to it. You sit in the seat and your wise woman draws a cup of liquid from the well to give to you. Before allowing you to drink it, she explains that for every sip, one deep feeling, one truth or one piece of knowledge that you need will be revealed to you; maybe one deep bit of wisdom, or one insight of deep intuition. She offers you the cup and when ready you take a sip. You allow yourself the time to truly experience what comes to you after the sip and then, if you choose, you take another. If you are unsure of the knowledge you are given, you ask your wise woman for clarity. You continue until you feel that it is enough for now, knowing that you can always return to this place. When you are ready to leave, your wise woman asks you to hold your hand open and offers you an object to remind you of the gifts of the well. You take it into your hand, asking any questions that you might have of her as you head out of the room and back toward the front of the house. When you get to the room where you began, your wise woman leads you to the door. You say your goodbyes, and while in her embrace, she whispers one word or phrase that will help you to remember your intention for the month and your experience at the well.

When you walk outside, your guide is waiting to carry you back across the meadow. You climb back onto its back, riding or flying with your guide, asking any questions that you might have along the way. Your guide delivers you back to the doorway, where you say your goodbyes.

Stepping back up onto the first step, spiraling upward and outward to the second step and the third, and upward and outward to the third step and the fourth. Then spiraling around to the fifth and the sixth step, and pausing now on the sixth step, retrieving anything that you left behind before, or just leaving it behind in that perfect moment in infinity. Climbing now to the seventh and upward to the eighth, upward and outward to the ninth, then the tenth, and around to the eleventh and the twelfth and then finally to the thirteenth step, the step of transformation, then back into to the tree. Stepping out of the tree, you find your place beneath it, again enjoying the sweet breath of the breeze. Then feeling your consciousness return to the space you are in, and, when ready opening your eyes.

Prayers for our circle

For Melissa’s family, her brothers, mother, father, cousins; her boyfriend and circle of friends. I would pray that they are able to find some peace in all of this.

Continued prayers for the friends and family of Nita, Gary’s friend.

Much love,

Tara

Full Moon in Aries, 14th October, 2008

Hi everyone,

This moon feels very vivid to me – last night was just incredibly bright with it. Hope you are enjoying it!

Calling the circle
We summon the fresh breath of the spirits of the East, spirits of springtime, new beginnings, new starts. The promise of the sunrise, the strength and energy of youth – the cool air, blowing away doubt and stagnation. The power of life. We call the spirits of the East and ask them to join our circle.

We call now to the spirits of the South, spirits of summer – the power of the sun at midday as it creates passion, motivation, energy, movement. strength, power, warmth, clarity, motivation, energy, movement. The power of light, illuminating us. The fire that is our passion, burning deeply within is always. We call the spirits of the South and ask them to join our circle.

And we call to the spirits of the West. The power and truth of our deepest intuition – our love, our emotions. A sunset over a calm ocean, a still lake reflecting back the sky, the still waters that run deep, deep within. Element of water, emanating the power of love. We call to the spirits of the West and ask them to join our circle.

Now we call the spirits of the North. Spirits of midnight, dark moonless skies in winter, places where truths are told. Element of earth, grounding us. Power of law, karma, ancestral wisdom, we call to the spirits of the North and we ask them to join our circle.

And we call to those spirits above us, the moon in her many faces, angels, stars, heavens, light beings everywhere, those souls not yet incarnate. Children of our children. We call the spirits above and ask them to join us.

And we call to the spirits below us, to the earth that grounds us and keeps us steady, the green kingdom with its deep roots and to the lava beneath the crust that impassions us. We call the spirits below and ask them to join us.

Finally, we call to the spirits of the center, where all the directions meet and merge and where they meet and merge in each one of us. The central flame. The sacred spirit. This circle is closed, a safe and sacred circle where everyone is welcome and free to express themselves.

Where is the Moon?
The full moon is now in Aries, always a bold and truthful moon, but I’ve read that at its current degree it is also calling for us to lighten up, and to believe with the faith of a child in our dreams. I certainly could use a dose of that this month!

Talking stick
I often feel like writing about love at this time of year, since I love autumn, the moon is so bright and full, and the power of love is always highlighted as an attribute of the west. I wrote about love last year at this time: light love and dark love, things done in the name of love. This year I’m thinking more about simply being love for the people in my life.

More than any time in recent years, I am feeling the need to play more of a supporting role in the life of my husband and son and things feel less about me. This week Gary had some very tragic news, losing a friend of 25 years in a very sudden and violent way. This was only weeks after starting a brand new school/career direction, which I’ve written about before. Owen is navigating his social relationships in a more intense way than ever at school and has required a lot of attention and support these last few weeks. In the midst of these things we’ve been hosting a pair of exchange students, both of whom needed some mothering along the way. It has been lovely (the tragedy aside) to be able to give so much. I am coming from a good, strong place right now. But all of it has required effort: love, patience, kindness, and understanding which hopefully I would have been giving no matter what, but what makes this different is that it is also requiring that I take a step back and offer more of my time, my accommodation, limit my plans for the moment, keep myself available for the people that I love, and that has been an adjustment for me and the people around me. I was meant to have a full moon gathering here last night but when it came time I just couldn’t do it – I just don’t feel I could bring enough to it. I had to ask for some accommodation from the people I work with; to perhaps move a bit more slowly this week and next and to clear my schedule to be more present. I can’t be my usual whirlwind right now, I need to slow to a speed that keeps me in pace with those around me a bit more. Especially for Gary. Being a parent, it is easy to make sure that I carve my day around Owen, but right now Gary needs me more than that, and I love him so deeply and can hardly bear to see him in this kind of pain and even if all I can do is sit next to him, I want to be there to do it.

So, a light-hearted full moon comes along. I am not sure this one can be light-hearted under the circumstances, but I can be light-hearted for my family and try to ease their heavier hearts. I think this is a real giving month for me and I’ll be reaching out for the strength to be that. It’s the least I can do for all the love, support and happiness that these two provide for me. I will try to be love and bring that to everyone and everything I do this month.

Meditation
Imagine yourself lying beneath the magic of a sliver birch tree. It is a crisp autumn night, and as you look up, you can see the light of the full moon reaching between the branches, playing off of the silvery leaves and shining down until it is touching you, reaching right into your heart. With each breath, the moonlight feels as though it is reaching through you, deep into the earth, then upward into the sky again. As it moves through you and into the earth, you feel it spiraling deep below you, into something of a staircase. You stand up, and begin to wind your way down the staircase of moonlight, beginning on the thirteenth step, the step of transformation, then spiraling around to the twelfth and the eleventh, then around to the tenth, then spiraling down and around and inward to the ninth, then the eighth, and around and inward to the seventh, then the sixth. You pause for a moment on the sixth step, leaving anything behind that you don’t choose to take along with you. Then continuing to spiral down and around to the fifth step, then the fourth, then the third. And around and inward to the second, and then finally the first step. You step off the staircase onto firm ground and head out toward the west.

You step out into an autumn day in a meadow just before sunset. The light is low in the sky, the field peaceful and calm as you make your way across it. As you walk along you look out for any messages carried by the animals, insects, and plants along the way. You feel very receptive to those messages in this place. You can see now that the path is leading to a dwelling on the other side of the field – one that is familiar as it is ancient. You make your way to it, the house of your wise woman.

As you are about to knock, the door opens, and she greets you with a warm embrace as always. She brings you into the kitchen, where she is cooking for you, and you talk freely about whatever comes to mind, maybe asking questions, maybe just listening to her thoughts for you. When you are ready, she leads you down a hallway with many doors. You walk to the end of the hallway and when you are ready you open the door and enter the room.

You enter the room and find that there is an open fire in the centre of it. You go to the fire and sit or stand in front of it. You realize that the fire is alternately many things: hot, dangerous, warming, comforting. You decide what it is that you need from the fire. If you need purification, you are able to enter the fire, burning away all that you choose to release. If you require comfort, the warmth of the fire reaches deep into your heart, filling all the cold places. If you have any questions about how you might need the fire, your wise woman is there to answer. When you are finished, you prepare to leave the room but before you do, you see that the fire has produced something for you – a gift – something to take along with you to remind you of this particular experience. When you are ready, you leave, knowing that this is a place to which you can always return.

Your wise woman leads you back to the front of the house, back to the path that took you here. She gives you a big hug goodbye, and while in her embrace, she whispers one word or phrase that will help you to remember your intention for this moon, or just something that you need to hear. You thank her and then head back out into the meadow making your way across again, this time in full sunset. You see the doorway on the other side, and you make your way across, pausing for any messages along the way. When you reach the doorway, you step back through.

Stepping back up onto the first step, spiraling upward and outward to the second step and the third, and upward and outward to the third step and the fourth. Then spiraling around to the fifth and the sixth step, and pausing now on the sixth step, retrieving anything that you left behind before, or just leaving it behind in that perfect moment in infinity. Climbing now to the seventh and upward to the eighth, upward and outward to the ninth, then the tenth, and around to the eleventh and the twelfth and then finally to the thirteenth step, the step of transformation, then lying back down onto the earth where you began, under the beautiful autumn willow. And when you are ready you open your eyes.

Prayers for our circle
I would like to offer prayers for the family of Nita, Gary’s friend. That they somehow find comfort in this terrible time.

Also, prayers for my brother – that he find his way, preferably home.

Much love to all of you,

Tara

Waxing Moon in Capricorn, 6th October 2008

Hi everyone,

It finally happened that I simply missed the new moon – there was just too much going on in my life, it sailed by and here I am. But I thought it might be interesting to have a waxing moon post so here it is! More below.

Calling the circle

As we contemplate the waxing moon, we summon the spirits of the East, spirits of Springtime, new beginnings, new starts. Element of air, first breath, cool dawn. The power of life, springing forth. We call the spirits of the East and ask them to join our circle.

We call now to the spirits of the South, spirits of strength, power, warmth, clarity, motivation, energy, movement. Element of fire, bright fires lit at midday. The power of light, illuminating us. The fire that is our passion, burning deeply within us always. We call the spirits of the South and ask them to join our circle.

And we call to the Spirits of the West. Spirits of our deepest feelings, our strongest emotions, our truest love. A sunset over a calm ocean, a still lake reflecting back the sky, the still waters that run deep, deep within. Element of water, emanating the power of love. We call to the spirits of the West and ask them to join our circle.

Now we summon the spirits of the North. Spirits of midnight, dark moonless skies in winter, places where truths are told, where laws are made. Element of earth, grounding us. Power of law, karma, ancestral wisdom, we call to the spirits of the North and we ask them to join our circle.

And we call to those spirits above us, angels, stars, heavens, light beings everywhere, those souls not yet incarnate. Children of our children. We call the spirits above and ask them to join us.

And we call to the spirits below us, to the earth that grounds us and keeps us steady, the green kingdom with its deep roots and to the lava beneath the crust that impassions us. We call the spirits below and ask them to join us.

Finally, we call to the spirits of the center, where all the directions meet and merge and where they meet and merge in each one of us. The central flame. The sacred spirit. This circle is closed, a safe and sacred circle where everyone is welcome.

Where is the Moon?

The moon is in Capricorn – so a dig down, get motivated, earthy moon (if that is possible) that times well to the month I am having!  I like Capricorn moons – they tend to give me the push to action that I need. And a healthy dose of what is practical too – which I am definitely connecting to this month.

Talking stick

I am going to be mindful that if I apologise for missing the new moon, I am going to get at least one email from an extremely dear friend telling me not to apologise. But, I do want to write about the circumstances that led me to forget about it – so hopefully that is ok!!

I think it comes to this: I finally hit the limit of how much I can humanly have going on at one time, because work has been more than the usual crazy, Gary is not around as much so I consequently need to do a bit more at home, I have some local commitments, like being on a committee at Owen’s school, I have the monthly moon group that I run and this is really the main thing that finally pushed it into overdrive: we have two 14-year old Austrian exchange students with us for two weeks. They arrived a week ago, and it has been really great having them, but it has meant that much more commitment and I haven’t even had the time to connect with myself, much less all of you. On around Thursday I started wondering where I was in my menstrual cycle, and then like a shot I wondered where the moon was for the first time but it is only now that I can react to it because then we had a couple of additional guests on the weekend, and a full social calendar. So finally, I am catching up.

I do feel badly about missing it, partly because I know some of you use them with your own groups, but mostly because I got so out of touch with myself. I really feel the difference between being grounded, centered, together and I reminded myself that I must consider these things when making commitments!

So, for the rest of this moon phase leading to the full moon, I am going to focus on centering my energy; I will still be busy, but I will spend time in the morning and at night in calm meditation, even if just for a few minutes, and in deep gratitude. I love my life so much; I want to make sure that I am fully expressing that appreciation every day.

I won’t say you know what – but I am and with any luck I’ll be back on track with the full moon!

Meditation

Imagine yourself lying on the ground beneath a tall aspen tree, reaching high into the night sky.  Barren of leaves, it sways in the wind with surprising ease and you feel yourself begin to sway with it, until you feel that you have become a part of the tree.  As you look up, you note the vast branch system, watching it move from the inside. Looking down, you note the vast root system, reaching down into the earth farther than you can see. Then, notice that one of the roots is larger than the others, and resembles a spiral staircase that you can walk down. Imagine then stepping onto the 13th step, the step of transformation, then spiraling down and around and inward to the 12th step, then down and around to the 11th and the 10th, spiraling down and around and inward to the 9th, then the 8th, then around and inward to the 7th and the 6th step. Then, pausing on the sixth step, note that as you look up you can no longer see the top, and looking down, that you can no longer see the bottom. You are standing in the middle of the spiral, in a moment of infinite perfection. If there is anything that you are carrying that you don’t want to take with you on your journey, you can leave it on this step. Continuing then to the 5th step and the 4th, spiraling around to the 3rd and the 2nd and then finally the 1st step, then stepping into a clearing with four doorways, each pointing in one of the four directions. Imagine yourself walking down the pathway that heads east.

The time of day is just dawn, a beautiful clear morning. Birds are just starting to sing, and the air is shimmering with the first light of the sun. As you follow the path, it opens up into a wide meadow. It looks so vast, yet somehow you feel you are almost gliding across it, as if your feet are barely touching the ground. You give in to this floating feeling – almost as if you are a part of the wind. As you are close to reaching the other side of the meadow, you see that you are heading toward a dwelling, as familiar as it ancient. You recognize it as the home of your wise woman.

As you are about to knock, the door swings open and your wise woman greets you, welcoming you in. Your guide may accompany you, or may choose to wait for you at the door.  She gives you a loving embrace and leads you to the kitchen where she is cooking. She offers you whatever it is that she has cooked for you, and you sit and eat or drink with her, asking any questions that you may have, or asking for any wisdom that she might wish to share with you.

When you are ready, she leads you away from the kitchen, down a hallway with many doors. You walk toward a door at the end of the hall, the door that feels right to you. As you step through the door, you see a beautiful, comfortable bed, covered in pillows and blankets. Your wise woman brings you to the bed and you lie down. She tells you that she will be leading you on a dream journey and you fall into a restful sleep, but your spirit feels awake and alive. She takes your hand and you fly off through the window, into the night – visiting the places and people that you need to visit, or to places you have never been before. She explains to you why she has brought you to each place, each having to do with something that you are trying to practically bring into being in your waking life. You are limitless in this place, filled with light, power, magic, strength. If you have any questions about where you are, or what you are seeing, your wise woman is there to help explain things.  When you are ready, she brings you back to the room where your sleeping self is and gently wakes you. Upon waking, she asks you what you are taking away from your journey and you whisper one word or phrase, whatever comes to you without effort. These are the power words that will help to bring your dream world work into your present world. Finally, when you are ready, you get up and leave the room, but knowing that this is a place to which you can always return.

As you reach the door of the house you say goodbye, and while in her embrace, she whispers the same power word or phrase to help you remember it. You return to the path through the meadow, only this time feeling completely grounded on the path, although the wind still blows around you. You listen to the voice of the wind to see if it carries any further messages for you until you reach the doorway to the east and when ready, return back through the doorway.

Stepping back up onto the first step, spiraling upward and outward to the second step and the third, and upward and outward to the third step and the fourth. Then spiraling around to the fifth and the sixth step, and pausing now on the sixth step, retrieving anything that you left behind before, or just leaving it behind in that perfect moment in infinity. Climbing now to the seventh and upward to the eighth, upward and outward to the ninth, then the tenth, and around to the eleventh and the twelfth and then finally to the thirteenth step, the step of transformation, then back into to the tree. Floating out of the tree, you find your place beneath it, again enjoying the sweet breath of the breeze. Then feeling your consciousness return to the space you are in, and, when you are ready opening your eyes.

Prayers for our circle

I want to send continued prayers of healing to everyone in our circle who needs it. Much love to you all!

Tara