Full Moon in Cancer, January 10, 2009

Hi everyone,

It is the first full moon of the new year and a beautiful love-filled moon it is. Hope you enjoyed your holidays and are getting back into the swing of real life!

Calling the circle
As we contemplate this full moon, we call to the spirits of the East, spirits of Springtime, new beginnings, new starts. Element of air, first breath, cool dawn. The power of life, springing forth. We call the spirits of the East and ask them to join our circle.

We call now to the spirits of the South, spirits of strength, power, warmth, clarity, motivation, energy, movement. Element of fire, bright fires lit at midday. The power of light, illuminating us. The fire that is our passion, burning deeply within us always. We call the spirits of the South and ask them to join our circle.

And we call to the Spirits of the West. Spirits of our deepest feelings, our strongest emotions, our truest love. A sunset over a calm ocean, a still lake reflecting back the sky, the still waters that run deep, deep within. Element of water, emanating the power of love. We call to the spirits of the West and ask them to join our circle.

Now we summon the spirits of our season, the spirits of the North. Spirits of midnight, dark moonless skies in winter, places where truths are told, where laws are made. Element of earth, grounding us. Power of law, karma, ancestral wisdom, we call to the spirits of the North and we ask them to join our circle.

And we call to those spirits above us, angels, stars, heavens, light beings everywhere, those souls not yet incarnate. Children of our children, and to the brightest of moons. We call the spirits above and ask them to join us.

And we call to the spirits below us, to the earth that grounds us and keeps us steady, the green kingdom with its deep roots and to the lava beneath the crust that impassions us. We call the spirits below and ask them to join us.

Finally, we call to the spirits of the center, where all the directions meet and merge and where they meet and merge in each one of us. The central flame. The sacred spirit. This circle is closed, a safe and sacred circle where everyone is welcome.

Where is the Moon?
This full moon is in Cancer; a big loving moon. A mothering, nurturing moon. A psychic connection and soul-mate moon. It is the moon of all moons – and a great time to let yourself be filled with love. All kinds of love. As I like to tell Owen: love is everything. And it really is.

Talking stick
I love this moon. It puts me in the mind of thinking about love, the kind of deep love that you know can never fade or change or end. I have been lucky in my life to have experienced that kind of love in all different ways: as a partner, a wife, a child, a sister, a mother. I just passed my 13th wedding anniversary a few days ago with Gary; I can’t believe it has been that long. And I know how lucky we are to be here. I am extremely content with our relationship and feel the miracle of that deeply. So it seems funny to me that I feel inclined to write about that kind of love, but I’ve started this blog entry a few times and then deleted it. This is what wants to be written. I don’t know why.

I have loved five men in my life extremely deeply (none as much as you babe, if you’re reading this, Gary!) Three of them I was in long-term relationships with, including my current one. Two of them I loved but they didn’t or weren’t able to love me in the way that I wished. Although I have been married for 13 years, a fight with Gary can still make me cry myself to sleep or rage with a vengeance, yet, this morning, sitting on his lap and looking at him, I felt like I did when we first got together: young, and light and in love. It isn’t like either of those a lot of the time. It is real life and half the time we just carry on doing, doing, doing but sometimes, in those moments of intensity it is like the whole world comes to a stop, for better or for worse, and the relationship takes over. It’s much easier when it is going well, obviously, but even that can be a challenge. Perhaps the biggest one. In those moments I need to face myself and look at who I am, what I bring, what I feel and, sometimes reluctantly, continue to grow. I wonder about some of the relationships in my life that haven’t worked out. At least one of them was because I couldn’t bear to think what would have happened to me if I had really let myself go and given in to all that love. Would I have been extinguished? Or would my love have been matched and would we have set the world on fire? I don’t know, but at the time it was too big a risk to take.

Love is always a risk though. Now, when I think of my life without Gary, I can’t even begin to imagine it. He is my best friend, my partner, my advisor, my lover. He makes me laugh, he makes me crazy, but most of all he understands me to my core. To my soul. As I am getting older I do think about the possibility that one day this will end. And I only just now realized that I need to watch that, watch that I don’t shut off any part of myself. That I need to allow that vulnerability or the relationship cannot continue to grow. God/dess knows it has its challenges as it is, with all the things that compete for our time and attention. But if I want this love to continue to be the biggest of my life then I need to continue to give it all of my energy – and not ever give way to complacency, or fear, or even to the past. I need to forge forward, heart open, love blazing.

So, in the spirit of that, I am going to finish this blog and go hang out with my husband. And try and make time to do that more often as a commitment to this big love moon.

Meditation
Imagine yourself lying beneath an ancient willow tree, on a brisk winter evening. Stripped of its leaves, you are profoundly aware of the moon shining down on you – shining down until it is touching you, reaching right into your heart. With each breath, the moonlight feels as though it is reaching through you, deep into the earth, then upward into the sky again. As it moves through you and into the earth, you feel it spiraling deep below you, into something of a staircase. You stand up, and begin to wind your way down the staircase of moonlight, beginning on the thirteenth step, the step of transformation, then spiraling around to the twelfth and the eleventh, then around to the tenth, then spiraling down and around and inward to the ninth, then the eighth, and around and inward to the seventh, then the sixth. You pause for a moment on the sixth step, leaving anything behind that you don’t choose to take along with you. Then continuing to spiral down and around to the fifth step, then the fourth, then the third. And around and inward to the second, and then finally the first step. You step off the staircase onto firm ground and head out toward the north.

You step out to a place that is very familiar to you, a place of refuge that you seek when times are stressful – a place that you return to when you need to feel a sense of your centre. You walk through that landscape, unique to you, where you know every tree, every blade of grass, every flower. A place of comfort and warmth. You make your way to the home that you know to be at the centre of this landscape – a home that is always there, always welcoming – the home of your wise woman.

When you arrive, as you are about to knock, the door swings open and your wise woman greets you, giving you a big kiss and hug. Her home feels particularly familiar today, the most at home you have ever felt here. She leads you to the kitchen where she has cooked for you and you speak freely with her about anything that comes to mind, or just listen to what she has to say to you.

When you are ready, she leads you from the kitchen to a hallway with many doors. You walk to the doorway that feels right for you, and then open the door. In the centre of the room is a cauldron and someone tending it. This person might be someone you know, maybe a guide, maybe an ancestor, maybe someone from your life. Whoever it is calls you over to the cauldron. When you are close enough you look inside to see what is holds. Whoever is tending to the cauldron tells you that it has two purposes for you: the first is for you to release something into the cauldron that needs to be healed and the second is for you to take something from it that you need to move forward.

As you look into the cauldron, you think about what you might want to release – and when you are ready, you place it into the cauldron. When you are ready, your guide beckons you to reach deep into the cauldron to take from it what you need. You can reach in and take as many objects as are right for you. If you have any questions, you can ask your guide, or your wise woman.

When you are ready, you thank the guardian of the cauldron and head back to the doorway, knowing that this is a place to which you can always return. Your wise woman leads you back to the front of the house, back to path that took you here. She gives you a big hug goodbye, and while in her embrace, you thank her and then head back out into that familiar place, drinking in the feeling of peace and home until you arrive back at the staircase of moonlight.

You step back up onto the first step, spiraling upward and outward to the second step and the third, and upward and outward to the fourth step and the fifth. Then spiraling around to the sixth step, and pausing now on the sixth step, retrieving anything that you left behind before, or just leaving it behind in that perfect moment in infinity. Climbing now to the seventh and upward to the eighth, upward and outward to the ninth, then the tenth, and around to the eleventh and the twelfth and then finally to the thirteenth step, the step of transformation, then lying back down onto the earth where you began, under the beautiful willow, feeling the moonlight shining on you. And when you are ready you open your eyes.

Prayers for our circle
Continued prayers for everyone in this new year.

Much love to all of you--

Tara